Skills that are practiced, not just known
Social skills are things people do: wait for a turn, listen to the end of a sentence, notice that a friend looks upset, say sorry, disagree without a fight. They develop through use, mostly in everyday interaction. The question for this article is how reading, and especially shared reading, can provide occasions for that practice and some ideas to practice with.
The role of reading is probably supporting rather than leading. Books do not teach social skills the way a lesson teaches arithmetic. They offer settings, examples and shared moments in which social skills can be exercised, and these can be valuable, particularly for children.
Shared reading in early childhood
When an adult reads with a young child, a lot more is going on than decoding words.
- Joint attention. Both look at the same page and share interest in it. Sharing attention with another person is among the earliest social abilities.
- Turn taking. A good read-aloud has a rhythm of back and forth: the adult reads, the child points or asks, the adult answers. Reading aloud in this way is a miniature conversation.
- Listening. The child learns to stay with a story, to wait for the next page and to hear a sequence of events.
- Talking about feelings. Pictures and plots give a natural prompt: “How do you think she feels?” Questions like this give children early practice at naming emotions, which can help them manage their own.
- Warmth. Cuddling up with a book builds association between closeness and language. The emotional comfort of shared reading is part of its value.
None of this requires fancy technique. Simply pausing to let a child comment, answering questions patiently and not rushing to the end are usually enough. The effects of reading to children on language are widely studied, but claims about long-term social outcomes should be treated with care, since families that read together also differ in many other ways.
Stories as a place to see social life
Even when a child reads alone, picture books and early chapter books are full of social situations: sharing toys, being left out, making up after a quarrel, being brave about meeting someone new. Characters make mistakes and recover. For a child, these stories are a way to look at social problems from a safe distance.
Adults can make the most of this by asking open questions:
- What do you think made him do that?
- How would you feel if that happened to you?
- What could she have said instead?
- What would you do next?
The aim is conversation, not a moral lesson. Children often see more than adults expect, and they tend to engage more when their answers are taken seriously. Parents of children who find social situations confusing may find stories give a gentle way to talk about them, though a teacher or specialist can offer targeted help where needed.
Reading in groups
In the classroom
Classroom reading routines offer plenty of social practice: taking turns to read to the class, working in pairs to discuss a passage, listening to classmates’ ideas and responding politely. Teachers sometimes use paired or small-group reading so that pupils must negotiate, explain their thinking and disagree respectfully. How well these activities work depends on the teacher, the group and the task.
In clubs and discussion groups
For older children, teenagers and adults, a book club or a similar set of reading groups gives a regular, structured setting for conversation. Members learn to wait for others to finish, to build on or politely challenge a point, and to hear how a different reader responded to the same page. A shared text lowers the pressure compared with unstructured socializing, since there is always something to talk about. Such groups can be particularly welcoming for people who find open-ended social situations tiring.
In families
Families that read together, whether a chapter before bed or a shared newspaper, tend to build routines of attention. Older children may read to younger siblings, practicing patience and explanation. Grandparents sharing stories pass on not only words but ways of talking and listening.
Understanding other people
Stories encourage readers to guess what characters think and feel and to notice that people have different information, wishes and beliefs. Children are often first exposed to the idea that someone can believe something untrue, or want something different from them, through stories and pretend play. Understanding that other people have inner lives is basic to social skill, and books give plenty of material for thinking about it.
Whether reading improves this understanding in a measurable, lasting way is less clear. Research on reading and empathy includes studies with mixed results, and this article reports no study of its own. A fair summary is that stories give reasonable opportunities to practice understanding others, and that those opportunities are likely most useful when readers talk about what they read.
Limits worth keeping in mind
- Company matters. Much of the social benefit appears to come from the sharing, not the book. A child reading alone gets a different experience from one reading with a parent or friend.
- Reading is not required for social success. Many socially capable people read little. Children with limited access to books or with reading difficulties can develop excellent social skills through play, conversation and other activities.
- Some children need specific support. Children with developmental differences, language delay or social difficulties may need more structured help than storybooks provide. A pediatrician, teacher or speech-language professional can advise.
- Books can model poor behavior too. Stories show kindness and cruelty alike, and a reader needs help noticing which is which, especially when the characters are charming.
- Don’t turn it into a chore. Pressure to read, or relentless lessons after every story, can dampen enjoyment and the social warmth that makes shared reading worthwhile.
Practical ideas
For parents and caregivers, a few approaches are worth trying: read together daily if possible, let the child choose some books, pause to let them talk, and ask what characters might be feeling. For teachers, regular paired reading and short discussions give every pupil a chance to speak. For adults, joining a reading group or reading the same book as a friend creates an easy reason to meet and talk.
These activities are valuable because they are enjoyable, and enjoyment is what keeps them going. Social skills develop over years through many small experiences, and shared reading can be one of the pleasant ones.